Transparency...

I have received several message and emails talking about how I have inspired so many folks with my journey.  I have been thanked for being so transparent when it has come to my honesty with this entire process.  Well in order to continue with this honest and transparent journey, I need to share some road blocks I have encountered.

First of all I need to mention that I really struggled with putting that commitment of doing the half marathon in March out there into the great unknown. Why? Because now I really had to do it.  I had to get out there and work my butt off for something that the only reward I could see was the weeks of hard work ahead of me.  And to be honest that doesn't seem like much of a reward.  But I went ahead and put that commitment out there.

But as for my road blocks they came in two forms, first a weight loss plateau and second a mental road I have been down before, one too many times.

If you have been on any kind of weight loss program or had any kind of weight loss in your life, you know what I mean when I say I hit that plateau.  I have bouncing between two pounds for the past week or so.  I seem to lose them only to find them shortly after.  I was doing really well when it came to holding off on weighing myself so I didn't drive myself crazy. Only to fall into that horrible trap where I would want to weigh myself almost every morning to see the difference.  I know that this is the first of possibly several plateaus I guess I just figured I was motivated enough to knock it out of the way pretty quickly.  I do know I have made some progress this past week because I have lost another inch on my waist.  But for someone trying to not be ruled by the scale, that inch just didn't seem to lift my spirits.

The second road block I am dealing with is all in my head. Literally!  I have walked on this mental path of feeling that I am not good enough for a very long time.  The discussion I tend to have is, "Well Jenna you probably won't do very well at that so why start? True but what if this time is different.  But we know it isn't different it is going to be the same line, you will say I am up for this challenge and once it starts to get a little bit too hard you will give in.  Only to laugh it off (cry inside) that it wasn't for you and somebody else can have a go."  I can't continue these thoughts anymore.

Here is the turning point for me and it came to me during my Life Group this evening.  I know that this time is different because for all of my life, well for most of my life my struggles I have kept private.  I have only shared of them once they have past or I am so deep in the pain I can't even see a way out so I ask for help.  This time I have laid it out before you.  All of you.  You can see the journey. You can be a part of my journey.  This is something new.  You all know me and love me (I hope) and have been a part of my life.  For me sharing this journey with you will get ME out of my head.  And I NEED to be out of my head.

I have seen for so many including myself that when our thoughts are private and not shared with those who love us, especially when we are in need.  Then Satan will use them against us.  He will infiltrate our thoughts and use our doubts and negative feelings to bring us further down than we ever need to be.  By getting out of my head and being transparent with you then I remove the power he has over me.  I give back the control to who should be in control from the very beginning.  The only one who can truly meet me in those dark moments and show me the way out.  God.  I have put my life in his hands and was reminded tonight that "For with God nothing is impossible." Luke 1:37

So to this journey, this inner dialogue, this training for a half marathon. This entire experience.  I will do it with God with all of the transparency I can muster.

And please,

Enjoy your journey.  

The Next "Steps"

Here is the literal next step in my journey.  

On Monday, November 4th I will begin my training for the Rock and Roll Half Marathon in Dallas.  The actual event is on March 23, 2014.  Please hold your applause…. although I will certainly need the encouragement.  At this point my best pace in walking I am about 30 minutes under the time limit for the race.  Which is good.  So over the next 5 months I will be following a 20-week training plan to improve my time (maybe even get some running in).  I will love and relish the cheers along the way.  As for the race I do plan on raising funds for the Vera Bradley Foundation for Breast Cancer Research.  I am not sure how yet but I will find a way.  As for now these are my next steps.  

These Shoes are made for walking...

Let me first start with I am so thankful for the new job Joey has.  He has set hours and it is so nice to see him so happy again.  With that being said it has been an off week when it came to my working out.  With Joeys early mornings and later nights, I have had challenges getting out to do some long walks.  So I took every advantage of my walks with Spritz.  We would jog as far as I could since we all know at this point Spritz could out last me.  But for all of his morning, afternoon, and evening walks I took each opportunity to get my needed exercise.  

So this morning when my boys were sleeping in I took FULL advantage of that time and headed out on a new walking path.  

As I started out my walk this morning here is was my view.  I love how low the clouds are here.  It reminds me of Africa.

I was determined to find this walking path I have been on before but at it's beginning.  

Isn't the beginning beautiful?!

I walked along the path to its end near an elementary school but I wasn't done walking yet.  So I continued past the school and through a neighborhood that faced Ridge Road. So I found myself at the proverbial fork in the road.  Do I continue down Ridge Road and end up on Stacy or walk all of the way back the way I came? Well this new journey I am on is all about moving forward….  so I proceeded to walk to Stacy Road then down Stacy to the Service road for SH tollroad.

Here is the view of our apartment building this morning from Stacy Rd.  I love the break in the clouds!!

 

When I was all done trudging through the edge of corn fields and totally freaking out my husband when I called him to wave at him from the service road.  I had walked 4.5 miles.  My shoes were muddy, my toes were soaked, and I was cold but I will tell you one thing I could have walked another 4.5 miles.  

Although, I promised my husband for my future walks, that if there isn't a sidewalk I won't walk it. 

For my California readers, what I walked today would be the equivalent of walking along side the 5 freeway right before rush hour.  I know. What was I thinking?! 

Quick Tip on a beautiful Friday!

I read about this tip in Fitness magazine and let me tell you it has been very motivating.

Put your fork down between bites during meals.

Simply put it down and pull your hand away from it. Don't focus on creating that next perfect bite on your fork.  What you fill find is that you actually take your time eating your food.  It may seem weird at first but let me tell you it works.  I don't eat as much as I used to and I really do become fuller faster.  By letting go of your control of your fork you give back the control to your body to let you know when it is done.

Just remind yourself, no one is going to steal your food even if you put your fork down.  Give your mind a chance to catch up to your stomach.

Have a great day and enjoy the journey!

Changes...

There is safety in the known.  But there is a different kind of safety in the unknown.  That safety is brought to you by who will meet you in your darkest time in the middle of the unknown.  

When I was a child my mother, brother and I would visit a beach off the coast of Massachusetts, Horseneck beach. It isn't an amazing beach by any means; it's covered in rocks and broken shells.  But Horseneck beach is a beach that brought my family safety, security and peace of mind. It is a place that we would visit when we didn't know where our next step would be or when the next bend in the road would come.  I have found myself often thinking of Horseneck Beach and how when I have visited this place whether in my thoughts or in person I am reminded of the various changes in my life that has taken place.

  When my mom a single parent had to work 3 jobs just to provide for my brother and I and spending some time on those rare days off at the beach brought her peace.  When my dad became an epic person in my life.  When I was reminded that being a part of a family meant I needed to contribute (no matter how far I had to lug the beach blanket over the sand dunes).  And when my family decided to move to the others side of the country for new opportunities.  

The place and idea of Horseneck beach has always been a part of my life and where I am constantly reminded that there is someone so much greater than myself in this world.  God has met me at every one of those changes in my life and He has challenged me to use them, embrace them and to learn from them.  I have always said I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through the life experiences I had.  But it would be better said, that I would not be the person I am today if I hadn’t met God in those moments and learned from him the lessons he had planned.

So I am very thankful for Horseneck beach and the rocky shore it provides.  Because it is walking on it’s rocky shore that I have found God.

For my mom and brother,

"Me and You and you and me, No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be, The only one for me is you, and you for me, So happy together" 

Sun Salutations

I love the fall in Texas.  Yes you heard me right love and Texas are in the same sentence.  It reminds me of June gloom in California, when the marine layer is thick like pea soup and you can't wait to throw on your comfy sweatshirt.  So I did just that and on my walk this morning I came across this view.  I was impressed by the waves of motion in the clouds and I was reminded by the wave of motion I have created in myself.   I am thankful to the Lord for this opportunity to improve myself and to stop wasting the talents and gifts he has given me.

When I got home from my walk I decided to do some stretching using the Pocket Yoga app on my iPad.  If you haven't tried it you should.  I love the simplicity of the program, the range of stretching poses and the flexibility in timed sessions.  For those days when you may not be up for working out doing these simple moves with help strengthen your core and soul for when you are ready to head out again.    That little bit of white fluff in the corner of the picture is my little boy Spritz.  He cracks me up every time I catch him stretching on the yoga mat.

Enjoy the journey.

p.s. I am thinking about doing a Half Marathon in March. :-)

Not Going to be Just "Comfortable" Anymore

There is a saying that we should "Eat to Live not Live to Eat".  Well I did the latter.  I lived to eat.

You will see in previous posts they are posts about food and different recipes.  I always found myself talking about food and nothing more.  There is nothing wrong with food.  What was wrong in my life was that it focused around food.  As time went on my weight continued to go up.  I stopped weighing myself because I dreaded the number I saw.  I knew that what I was eating certainly wasn't helping my waistline but I didn't feel I needed to change.  I knew I was always going to be the token "Big" girl among my friends and family.  I didn't need to change.

So I stopped being in photos, I became a great photographer so I didn't have to be in the shot.  Last year my husband and I went on a trip to Boston (one of my favorite places in this country) and there is only one photo of me while on this trip.

I didn't like how I looked in the pictures.  So here is the solution I came up with, stop being in photos.

In late July, I finally was tired of being just comfortable with how I was living my life.  If you can call what I was doing living.  Something awoke inside me and I realized I was wrong and I wasn't happy with how I was and I needed to change.  I have had my bad days and I have certainly survived those days so I most definitely going to survive this new journey.

I also knew I have to do this for myself and no one else.  I love my friends and family but I can't make this a permanent change if I base it on someone who can change.  I needed to do this for myself. I need to be the change.

So here we go....

At my heaviest (the number will be revealed later) I was very unhappy probably even depressed.  I seemed to be busting out of my clothes the ones I could fit into.  First thing first I needed to move.  I started with just walking around my building about 2/10 of a mile.  I wasn't out of breath doing it but in the beginning I could feel my heart rate raising.  I decided to cut out foods I knew I needed to cut out, later they might be reintroduced into my life but for right down I didn't need them.  I cut out carbs in the forms of bread (all kinds), pasta, and white rice.  I reintroduced into my life vegetables and fruit.  I would start my day with a home made smoothie with blueberries, strawberries, coconut water and Flax seed oil.  I will put some greek yogurt in my smoothie on those days I felt I wanted a little bit more.

As I continued to walk I was able to walk farther than the day before.  Some days I would push myself just to see what I could do and I always seemed to surprise myself.  There were days I just didn't want to put the work into it so instead of sitting back on the couch I would do some chores around the house.  Once I got moving I wanted to keep moving so I would take our dog out for a walk and the next thing I knew I was walking a mile.  The key was to not give into the lazy voice in my head encouraging me to sit down on the sofa.

Cutting back on food didn't seem like I was on the typical diet especially since I was filling up on the right foods I wasn't depriving myself.  I also didn't beat myself up when I had a treat.  I just worked really hard to recognize the work I had put in and that sometimes that treat, sweet, snack, or whatever wasn't worth sweating for another hour.

Will all of these changes since late July my life has certainly changed.  I have lost over 45 pounds and have found the my wardrobe has expanded while my waist has shrunk.

Remember this is my journey, you are on your own journey embrace it!!  I hope in some way my journey inspires you to make changes in your life.   I would love to hear if it has inspired you and how.  I will continue to document this journey as I am on it.

And remember just move.