Transparency...

I have received several message and emails talking about how I have inspired so many folks with my journey.  I have been thanked for being so transparent when it has come to my honesty with this entire process.  Well in order to continue with this honest and transparent journey, I need to share some road blocks I have encountered.

First of all I need to mention that I really struggled with putting that commitment of doing the half marathon in March out there into the great unknown. Why? Because now I really had to do it.  I had to get out there and work my butt off for something that the only reward I could see was the weeks of hard work ahead of me.  And to be honest that doesn't seem like much of a reward.  But I went ahead and put that commitment out there.

But as for my road blocks they came in two forms, first a weight loss plateau and second a mental road I have been down before, one too many times.

If you have been on any kind of weight loss program or had any kind of weight loss in your life, you know what I mean when I say I hit that plateau.  I have bouncing between two pounds for the past week or so.  I seem to lose them only to find them shortly after.  I was doing really well when it came to holding off on weighing myself so I didn't drive myself crazy. Only to fall into that horrible trap where I would want to weigh myself almost every morning to see the difference.  I know that this is the first of possibly several plateaus I guess I just figured I was motivated enough to knock it out of the way pretty quickly.  I do know I have made some progress this past week because I have lost another inch on my waist.  But for someone trying to not be ruled by the scale, that inch just didn't seem to lift my spirits.

The second road block I am dealing with is all in my head. Literally!  I have walked on this mental path of feeling that I am not good enough for a very long time.  The discussion I tend to have is, "Well Jenna you probably won't do very well at that so why start? True but what if this time is different.  But we know it isn't different it is going to be the same line, you will say I am up for this challenge and once it starts to get a little bit too hard you will give in.  Only to laugh it off (cry inside) that it wasn't for you and somebody else can have a go."  I can't continue these thoughts anymore.

Here is the turning point for me and it came to me during my Life Group this evening.  I know that this time is different because for all of my life, well for most of my life my struggles I have kept private.  I have only shared of them once they have past or I am so deep in the pain I can't even see a way out so I ask for help.  This time I have laid it out before you.  All of you.  You can see the journey. You can be a part of my journey.  This is something new.  You all know me and love me (I hope) and have been a part of my life.  For me sharing this journey with you will get ME out of my head.  And I NEED to be out of my head.

I have seen for so many including myself that when our thoughts are private and not shared with those who love us, especially when we are in need.  Then Satan will use them against us.  He will infiltrate our thoughts and use our doubts and negative feelings to bring us further down than we ever need to be.  By getting out of my head and being transparent with you then I remove the power he has over me.  I give back the control to who should be in control from the very beginning.  The only one who can truly meet me in those dark moments and show me the way out.  God.  I have put my life in his hands and was reminded tonight that "For with God nothing is impossible." Luke 1:37

So to this journey, this inner dialogue, this training for a half marathon. This entire experience.  I will do it with God with all of the transparency I can muster.

And please,

Enjoy your journey.